Most of us are familiar with Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” But how often do we take it to heart in our lives out in the world. Fear is an interesting paradox. It saves our lives by protecting us from danger but when it takes over our minds it can destroy us. Even more confusing is that we are taught to fear the Lord. Psalm 112:1 tells us “Praise the LORD! How blessed is the man who fears the LORD, Who greatly delights in His commandments.” Figuring out when fear is good and when fear is bad is one of the keys to our survival and happiness.
When Adam was diagnosed with anxiety and mild depression I thought to myself “wow I am glad he only has mild depression”. What I should have been asking myself was why does he have anxiety and what can I do to help him to get rid of it? I did not realize he was probably depressed because he was so anxious. Throughout the bible Jesus tells his follower not to worry despite the fact there is much to worry about. He understands what worry can do to us. Simon Sinek, in his book Leaders Eat Last talks about the harmful effects of fear to our bodies. When someone is in fear, their body produces a chemical called cortisol. In a fight-or-flight situation, this chemical makes them more alert and allows them to prepare to defend themselves. If this chemical is produced consistently it can lead to adverse health conditions but most importantly it diminishes our cognitive functionality. In other words if we are in fear or anxiety our brain doesn’t work properly. Our judgement is impaired and we can’t make good decisions.
I thought that Adam fearing me was a good thing. it meant he would try harder and that he would obey me. In this model I was playing the role of God and like the Bible says it was good for him to fear me because it would lead to him doing good versus evil. Obviously, I am not God so this was a big mistake on my part. I decided one morning to have Adam drive me to get breakfast. He had his learner’s permit and on a couple of other occasions he had driven me to the front of our neighborhood. I assumed he had been working on reverse with his mom and the driving instructor so we jumped in the car and I told him to begin. He promptly put the car into gear and slammed into a fire hydrant. He was too afraid of me to tell me he didn’t know how to back up and his fear caused him to press on the accelerator too hard and jump the curb. In the big scheme of things it was a typical teenage car accident but in hindsight it is pretty telling of his state of mind.
We are consumed by our fears for our children. For their future and their safety. These fears poison their psyches because they are contagious. Our love for our kids is being warped by these fears and to avoid this we must trust in God. “For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7. Life is dangerous and bad things can happen but when we dwell on our fears it creates an environment that can end up creating self-fulfilling prophesies. It is way more likely statistically that good things will happen to you and your children and dwelling on those possibilities is just as real as worrying about what bad things might occur. Be aware of our tendencies and understand that fear has a very limited role to play in our lives.
I will leave you with one last verse from Phillipians 4:6-7 “Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. And God’s peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” I wish I had spent more time with Adam in the Word because I think this verse not only tells us not to worry but what to do instead. I would make sure you have it in your heart and so do your children. Hopefully it can help quell fear and leverage God’s help when you struggle.