Yesterday was Adam’s 16th birthday. As you can imagine it was a bittersweet day for us. Many people reached out to provide comfort and to share their love for us and for Adam. All of Adam’s classmates gathered together to share memories of him and to celebrate his life. We are so grateful for these acts of remembrance and for having the opportunity to know and experience Adam. As the pain of his loss lessens slightly it is replaced by a sense of confusion about who we are and what we are supposed to do with our lives now that one of the key elements has been taken away.
There are so many triggers to remind me of Adam but the ones that are most painful remind me of the things we were going to do. It was my job to help him become a man and teach him independence. It was a responsibility I took very seriously and now that role for me is no more. I know that Anne and Ashley have expressed similar sentiments about their confusion regarding the future and how to live it without Adam.
I met a remarkable man who lost his son under similar circumstances. he was a youth pastor at a local church at one point and was involved in heading a small group of teenagers that included his son. When his son died he continued his involvement with the group. This seems amazing to me. His response was that he was already geared up to work with his son and others and it would have felt unnatural to do anything other than to continue. Obviously, God was involved with this and provided him with a purpose to continue and I am sure this provided him great comfort.
Adam’s friends are important to me and I want to help them in any way I can. I think this will ultimately help me more than hurt me but right now it is very hard to be around them without experiencing sadness and yearning for my son. So many scriptures talk about loss and how God will fill the hole left in your life by the loss of a loved on but when you are in the midst of that loss it is easy to question how this could possibly happen. We will continue to try and be strong and believe God’s promises but it is easier said than done. We wait on God and trust in his love.
One reply on “What Now God?”
Thanks for sharing Steve. I cannot begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. Sharing your experience will help others working through the same pain. I am praying for you, Anne and Ashley. It is a comfort knowing Adam is with Jesus. When we all join Adam and Jesus, it will seem like yesterday. Comfort and blessings to you and family.