All You Need is Love

It is impossible to describe the pain suicide inflicts on those left behind.  Loss of a loved one is always devastating but there is a special kind of agony when someone you love takes their life.  The rate of suicide in families surviving a suicide is twice as high as other families.  Grief can impact all aspects of life including relationships with family and friends and even health.  Life just doesn’t seem as rich and satisfying as it did before.  So much of what I did and why I did it revolved around Adam and now without him here I just don’t seem to have the same sense of purpose and the things in my life just seem a little less worthwhile.

Intellectually I know this is not true but the feeling is hard to shake.  It is easy to let the loss darken your entire life and shade your days with sadness and a profound sense of loss.  The question becomes how do you avoid becoming another victim from the effects of suicide?  How is it possible to move on from such catastrophic loss?  Where does your joy come from when someone you loved so much has been taken away in such a senseless manner without any warning with no chance to say goodbye or  to ask please don’t leave?

I wish I could give you an answer.  I wish I could say I cracked the code and have something that will take away the pain in your heart but I don’t.  I can say what comfort I have received has come through the love of others and their compassion.  It is deeply moving when people show you that they care about you and the tragedy of losing your loved one. Seeking out people that care about you and will help you is an important step in regaining some balance in your life.  A friend introduced me to a group of men from his church.  One of these men had lost his son suddenly and has been very kind to me and has taught me through how he has coped with his own loss.  We are studying Romans and the book has spoken to me numerous times.

Religion can be a tricky thing when you lose someone to suicide.  There are pronouncements about what happens to a soul when someone commits suicide.  There is the feeling of betrayal or abandonment by God. There are the well meaning people quoting you bible verses like they are some sort of talisman to soothe your grief.  My relationship with God right now is complicated.  Intellectually (there is that word again)  I know he did not cause or plan for my son to take his life but if he is all powerful (and the bible says he is) why did he let this happen?  Do I want to worship a deity that would take my son away from me?

I will never understand why this happened and God’s designs for this world are beyond my comprehension.  I do know that I deeply loved my son and that he loved me.  I know I love my wife and she deeply loves me.  I know I love my daughter and she deeply loves me.  I love my friends and family and they love me and these are good things.  Paul tells us in Romans 12:21 “Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.”  In my heart I know this is true and right and it is the way out of my current darkness.  To escape the aftermath of suicide remember the love and keep loving those around you.  Be a light and let others be a light for you and in this way we will emerge together out of the darkness and the world will be better and we will find hope and renewal.