No Matter Where You Go There You Are

Travelling has always been a major element in our family life.  As a child the memories that always stuck with me involved trips to various places. I wanted my children to have lives full of experiences and to travel as a family so that we would have memories together.  We took summer trips with my parents to Colorado, Hilton Head, Outer banks, Gulf Shores and Cape Cod.  I took them to all the Disney Parks multiple times.  It was a great opportunity to spend time together and create memories.

If you follow me on Facebook and I suspect you do or you probably wouldn’t be reading this blog you know we just went on a two week trip to Europe.  Ashley, my daughter, was the driving force behind this.  Neither Anne nor I have the heart or will to take on something so ambitious in our current state.  We love Ashley and wanted to have this time with her.  She is on the brink of full independence and we don’t see her as much as I would like so two weeks of time with her was a huge blessing even if it meant enduring ten hour plane rides and bad English food.

Normally, when I travel I am very meticulous in my planning.  For past trips I would pore over travel sites and find the best locations for lodging and meals and activities.  I would optimize activities and meal based on reviews and create elaborate travel plans.  For the Disney trips I would have the family up at the early hours of the morning and specify the order of rides and parks to make sure we missed the crowds and had the best possible time.  This zeal became a subject of ridicule among my family and while they were appreciative of my efforts there was also a slight note of discord among them wishing I would dial it back and let them relax more.

I just didn’t have the same energy for this this trip. We waited till just a few weeks before to book travel and we really didn’t understand the geography well enough to stay in the right places.  All the places we stayed were very nice but were far away from the city centers and required a good bit of walking or transportation to get to the sights.  We made up a lot of things as we went along and meals were fairly impromptu.  What I learned from this trip is that while some planning is important letting things happen  is okay too.  My past trips were wrapped up so much in my plans that I didn’t get to enjoy my time with my family as much as I should.

The other lesson I picked up from this trip is that even going to exotic locales and having lots of distractions will not allow you to escape your thoughts and feelings.  I was struck hard several times by Adam’s absence. He should have been there with us and he was missed.  The picture at the top of this article was from Minster Cathedral in York where we lit a candle for him.  I saw this grave of a young prince who died as a child and I thought of Adam.

I was struck the hardest by Adam’s loss one day when we were at a shopping center in London.  Anne had requested I leave her and Ashley alone at a store since I tend to be a little judgmental about purchases and she wanted to be free of my oversight.  It was a typical request and probably well warranted.  In the past Adam and I would use this time to go look at things we were interested in or grab a cookie.  As I wandered around the mall I felt so alone without him there.  I missed just a simple walk around the mall and a chance to go into the book store with him and buy him a book or a toy.  I know that will never happen again and it brought tears to my eyes right there and I couldn’t stop crying.

It was not a major revelation.  I knew it when I was in Destin over Christmas and when I was in Boston earlier this year and now I know it again.  No matter where you go, there you are.  I will never not feel Adam’s loss.  Because of our experiences together  I think travelling can make it more intense.  I am not sure it is really a bad thing either since I don’t ever want to forget him but it just really makes the loss so much more real for me.  I know now that the experience is what matters not the quality of the hotels, meals or activities and I wish I  could go back and relive those trips with Adam and savor our time more.  I am grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to have two weeks with my daughter and wife in a beautiful place but I so wish Adam could have been there to see it too.  I know he is with us in a different way and that I carried him in my heart through Europe but it should have been different.