I have been following a reading plan on the bible this year and one of the chapters I have been reading is 2nd Samuel. David lost two sons in very traumatic ways and it is interesting how he responded to those two losses. I think it is instructive on how we are meant to view death and also how we respond to hardships that are ongoing involving people who are still with us.
David loses his first child when he committed adultery with Bathsheba and arranged for her husband to be killed on the battlefield. Bathsheba had born him a son and as punishment for his sins it was decreed by God that the child would perish. I would think losing a child this way would be especially hard on David. The child was innocent and a victim of David’s sins.
I would think the guilt for this would be overwhelming. With Adam’s loss I reviewed all the things I have done wrong in my life and wonder if somehow I caused it. I know this is not how it works but I still can’t help but think something I did or didn’t do led to Adam’s demise. With David however there is no doubt that it is his fault because he is told so by Nathan.
His response when his child turns ill is that “He pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent nights lying in sackcloth on the ground.” 2 Samuel 12:16. What is most telling about David’s response was when the child actually dies. His advisers are terrified to give him the news considering how he had reacted when the child was ill but when he learns the news he gets up cleans himself up, goes and worships the Lord, and then goes home and eats. They question him about how he could act like he did and he responds, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought , ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him but he will not return to me.” 2nd Samuel 12:22-23.
What David is saying is that when you are dealing with adversity in your life do everything you can to seek assistance from God but once his son had passed there was nothing else he could do. Sometimes, I think we have it backwards. When our loved ones are among us and experiencing problems we don’t always give it our all in seeking God’s help for them but once they are gone we spend enormous amounts of energy mourning them when it is too late. My take away from this is to try and focus on the living and vigorously seek God’s help for them and myself versus dwelling too much on things I can’t change. it is easier said than done but it is my goal.
The other loss David experiences is his son, Absolom. Absolom attempts to overthrow his father and take his life in the process yet when David hears the news of his death he said, “O my son Absolom! My son, my son Absolom! If only I had died instead of you…” 2 Samuel 18:33. I can certainly relate to this response. I would trade places in a heartbeat with Adam if it would bring him back to this world. Even though Absolom had betrayed David his love for him was unchanged and he was willing to sacrifice himself to bring his son back. Even when those we love act in ways that disappoint us we really never stop loving them and want the best for them.
Finally, David was rebuked by his followers for allowing his grief to interfere with his responsibilities to his subjects. When David hears this he gets up and assumes his responsibilities again as King of Israel. The lesson we can learn from David and his grief for Absolom is that no matter how bad we feel about the loss we still have obligations to the living. We cannot allow our grief to interfere with our relationships with those who have survived and are also suffering. We owe it to those we love to take care of ourselves and to not allow our grief to create even more sorrow by neglecting ourselves or others no matter how we feel. God will give us the strength to go on but we must seek him and have faith.
It would be easy to let my grief swallow me up and consume my life but I know this will not change anything. I must look forward to those I love that are still with me and give it my all to love them and seek God in aiding them in any way I can.