My earliest memories of my mom are not positive. I guess that is how the brain works. We remember what is traumatic more than what is positive. I was 4 years old and being a precocious child, I had learned to spell my name. I was very proud of this accomplishment and thought it best to display my newfound knowledge via a tube of lipstick and an empty white wall. I wrote my entire first name, Stephen in bright red lipstick and while the penmanship was not great it was spelled correctly. When she called out “who wrote their name on the wall?” (was there really any doubt?) I was happy to take credit for my handiwork. As you can imagine it did not end well for me and I was not allowed to attend the Peter Pan play which obviously to this day still haunts me.
Being the child of Betty Porter was challenging. When people met you there was an expectation in their eyes that you needed to be extraordinary if you where her child. She was so talented and driven they just expected that it would have naturally passed down to you and that great things were expected. If you knew my mother at all you would completely understand this sentiment, she expected greatness from us, and that pressure could either drive you forward or crush you with the weight of expectations. In the end I would like to believe her drive and ambitions for her children gave me the courage and confidence to start my own company and gave Whitney the will to create her own life in New York and to pursue her writing career. I will be forever grateful to my mother for pushing us so vigorously.
On another level being the child of a high school counselor was also challenging. She knew what I was going to do even before I thought of it. She had seen and heard it all and was determined that I would stay on the right path. It didn’t always work out that way, but she made me work very hard to gain my independence and this also gave me strength. She was so committed to her vocation. It permeated her every fiber and it allowed her to accomplish amazing things for her students. She was able to place students with very disadvantaged circumstances in some of the best colleges in the country. She was devoted to her students and almost had to be forcibly removed from the school at the end of her career. She loved her job so much that even though she was eligible for retirement she kept working five more years, meaning she effectively worked for free since she would have already been paid the same amount for retiring. Even after she left, we constantly met her students in Houston, and they always went out of their way to greet her and express their appreciation for her work on their behalf.
Retirement was difficult for her. In the latter days at work, she was beginning to have memory issues, and this got worse after she stopped working. We would take family vacations and she would become uneasy in new places, and it got harder and harder to take trips with her. She also started to have some health issues including breast cancer and leukemia. Her energy and will was still there and she was able to easily defeat any illness that afflicted her except for Alzheimer’s. It progressed. albeit slowly. Her neurologist commented that he had never seen it be so gradual. I attribute this to her internal strength and will.
She and my father decided to move to Austin so that we could help them. The first couple of years they were mostly independent, and we would provide a little help with doctor’s visits or errands. I believe, though it was not known at the time, that my mom contracted Covid very early and was hospitalized but fully recovered. Eventually, both got it and their ability to take care of themselves was significantly compromised. My wife. A former hospice nurse stepped in and began to assist with their care. Our goal was to keep my mom in at her home and to help my dad as much as we could to keep their quality of life high. Even though Alzheimer’s had stripped my mom of most of her memory, what was left was the sweetest, most appreciative person you would ever encounter. She never failed to thank anyone and everyone even if they weren’t doing anything for her. She wanted to talk with everyone even if they struggled to understand what she was telling them.
Taking care of her was our opportunity to give back to her and it made us better people. It was her final gift to us. She finally succumbed last week and only spent one night bed bound. Till the very end she was sweet and loving even though she was declining. I like to believe underneath the layers of her drive and ego was a sweet caring person and this drove her need to care for others the way she did. We were so very fortunate to have her in our lives and we will continue to reap the benefits of having her as our mother. It was a long goodbye, and it was a struggle at times, but I would not change it because of how it changed us. We are so grateful that she is now with the Lord and fully restored with her brother, parents and grandson cherished and loved and free of pain and suffering.