There seems to be a great rush in our society to become an adult. It seems like childhood grows shorter and shorter as children are exposed to more and more adult themed information. I remember as a child wanting nothing more than to have my autonomy and to control my own life. I also remember how scary it was when I finally realized I was on my own. I think a lot of young adults struggle with this transition and that the pressure to grow up creates a lot of anxiety for our children. I suspect Adam was very worried about his ability to become an adult and on some level I think this affected his outlook on the world.
I think a lot of the emotions that contribute to suicide are fueled by the transition from youth to adult. I had a former boss who was a professor at UT. One of his most gifted students took her life. Before she made the decision to end her life she had shared the idea with him that she felt her life would never get any better than it was at that moment. She was on top of everything. Her mental power and physical powers were at their peak and she was confident that anything that happened after this moment would not be as satisfying. While I don’t think Adam was looking at things that way I do think the longer he lived the more complicated things became and the more jaded and disappointed he was in life in general and maybe even in us his parents. The longer he knew us and the more mature he became the more aware he was of our flaws and the flaws of the world.
I think this is true for all of us and that it carries over into how we interact with each other and our children. Life beats us down and then we share that disillusionment with our children. Their expectations are set so high in childhood as we overexert ourselves to maintain a lifestyle for them that is unrealistic. The effort is exhausting, draining and unsustainable. As they begin to see the real world they much prefer the environment we set up for them as children and they see what life has done to us and they are not so sure adulthood is all it is cracked up to be.
Our mistake is losing the child inside of us. God wants us to maintain our childlike faith and view the world with a sense of wonder, awe and joy and share it with our children and friends. I am reading a book titled The Prayer Wheel which breaks down several of the key prayers and elements in the Bible. One of the prayers that resonated for me was this one, “Teach me a child’s way of living in my heart and mind today: playful, open, curious, unguarded, innocent, quick to giggle, delighted in the moment, easily contented, ready to hope–and hope big–all over again, forgetful of yesterday, reaching for Mommy, reaching for Daddy, reaching often, God–,secure in your presence, believing in your goodness, trusting in your strength. I want to change and become little in my spirit. Teach me what that looks like. Help me to let go of the grown-up stuff I’m so prideful about, like what I think I know, especially about you. Remake me like a child in all the right ways that I may walk in your kingdom today. Amen.”
I overheard my daughter talking about Adam and how he left this world in such a pure, innocent state. I believe that is true and I also believe we should strive to maintain that state in ourselves and our children and try to avoid letting the world take away these traits from us as we mature. I wish I had done a better job of this while Adam was alive and I hope like him I will remain a child of God and stay forever young in my heart. I hope you can too.