Today is Adam’s 17th birthday. Two years ago we were celebrating with our son and today we are especially melancholy over what was once an event of great joy. That is our new reality. What once made us happy now is a depressing reminder of what we have lost.
Some time ago there was a post on Facebook that someone deemed wise. It said if everyone was able to take all of their troubles in life and put them in a big pile together with everyone else’s they would want to take their troubles back when they saw what others were dealing with. I think about this post often and while I do realize there are many in the world and even in my local community who are far worse off I am pretty sure I would take others troubles on versus losing Adam. I think the point of this “wisdom” is that we are all supposed to feel better knowing others are suffering as much or more than we are. I think that is pretty misguided. If you truly feel better because others are worse off than you then you should seriously review your life and attitudes.
I find myself growing numb to the pain around me. When I learn of or see tragedy a voice inside me tells me whatever has occurred is not as bad as losing your only son. This type of attitude is not much better than feeling comfort because others are worse off than you. The reality of our world is that there is violence, disease, natural disasters along with a plethora of smaller tragedies like poverty, divorce, abuse etc. etc. etc. Everyone on this planet experiences hardship and loss. Some people claim that tragedies like the school shooting in Florida or other disasters that result in loss of innocent lives are indicators that there is no God or that he is indifferent to our suffering. Sometimes I feel cutoff and alone and I can understand why people may feel like that but I know it is not true.
I suppose there is a possibility that life on this planet is some kind of cosmic accident and that everything that occurs on earth is just a series of random events. Even if that is true how are we supposed to cope with the inevitable loss we all experience? How do we watch our love ones self destruct? How do we cope with the loss of those we care for either thru death or divorce? Can we really be expected to bear the weight of this life alone? I don’t think we are built for that and I think we need the hope of a Savior to give us the strength to weather the storms of this world. I think when we lose touch with this link to the Almighty is when we despair and give up.
My new reality is without Adam and it is not what I want or ever expected. When we experience loss in our lives we have a choice to make. Do we harden our hearts and protect ourselves from further pain (this is impossible to pull off), do we give up and wait to die ( certainly not fair to those who still love you and there are always those who still love you no matter what you may think) or muster the strength and hope from God to carry on and do the best you can with whatever time you have left in this world? I pray for God’s help to soften my heart and give me more compassion and to give me the strength to bear my loss and I pray the same thing for others. We all need help in this world, from each other and from a higher power. If we try to take on the world by ourselves it will crush our spirit. With God all things are possible.