As I reflect back on my time with Adam I realize that I missed a huge opportunity with him to properly address how to respond to bullies in his life. From about third grade for reasons I cannot fathom Adam had been subject to cruel bullying by other kids. It seems like they could sense a sensitivity in him and it brought out the worst or it could just be that all kids are subject to this but Adam took it harder. Regardless, my response was to become angry at all parties involved. I was frustrated with the schools for allowing the behavior to happen in the first place, I was angry with the parents for raising children capable of such cruelty and not holding their children responsible for their actions and I was angry at the children themselves for hurting my son.
I did try to turn to God. Adam and I would pray when he was younger for the bullying to stop but I really missed the point. We needed to be praying for these children and later young adults that tormented my son. Matthew 5:44 says “But I say to you love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” I had always thought this was some sort of “turn the other cheek” kind of message and I really failed to understand what was behind it, Jesus is not a pacifist but he understands what anger and hate do to our soul and how it can ruin our lives.
When the bullying first started we should have been praying for these kids and asking God to help them. It is not normal behavior to lash out at innocent people and to belittle them when they are not doing anything to deserve it. This behavior is caused by insecurity, pain, fear, anger, etc that are being generated by events in their own lives. We should have asked God to forgive them and to help them with their problems. We cannot control what other people do or say but we do control our response. If we let the ideas or actions of others generate anger and rage within us then ultimately we suffer as these destructive emotions destroy our happiness and ultimately our lives. This is why forgiveness is so crucial; not for the offender but for the offended.
Adam was angry and hurt by the words and actions of his classmates. I should have helped him understand that their cruelty toward him was about their own feelings about themselves fueled by dissatisfaction with their lives, envy, and fear. He was so kind that I know he would have wanted to help them which is really how we should all respond. I know his response to what was happening in his life was extreme and beyond appropriate but if he knew that others were suffering and acting the way they were because of this I think it might have helped him cope better. If he had prayed for his friends and classmates that they would be healed of their feelings of jealousy and inadequacy then he might have felt less hurt by them.
There are so many examples today of rage in our world. Bullying is rampant throughout our society. It starts in school and now manifests itself in politics, religion etc. We cannot discuss our beliefs without being attacked by others because they are threatened if someone has a different opinion. We need to pray for each other and forgive those who oppress us. When people act out on the right and the left they are doing so out of fear and weakness. They need to let go of the anger they hold so close because it will destroy them. Adam did not understand why others treated him the way they did and it led him down a dark path.
Pray for your enemies and ask God to heal them. Forgive all who offend you and do not let the darkness come into your heart. This does not mean people are not responsible for their actions and should not be held accountable. It just means we are not going to let hate control us and we want others to be free from hate as well. People who treat others cruelly are suffering and need help. Both children and adults harbor feeling of inferiority and weakness and lash out because of it. We should teach our children to see this and offer these people our love and prayers.